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shadowedvampirerose's Journal


shadowedvampirerose's Journal

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37 entries this month
 

Peanut Butter Cup Cheesecake

21:21 Mar 22 2008
Times Read: 546


Ingredients:

1-1/4 cups graham cracker crumbs

1/4 cup crushed cream-filled chocolate sandwich cookies

1/4 cup sugar

6 tablespoons butter, melted

3/4 cup creamy peanut butter

FILLING:

3 packages (8 ounces each) cream cheese, softened

1 cup sugar

1 cup (8 ounces) sour cream

3 eggs, lightly beaten

1-1/2 teaspoons vanilla extract

1 cup hot fudge ice cream topping, divided

6 peanut butter cups, cut into small wedges

Directions:

In a bowl, combine cracker crumbs, cookie crumbs, sugar and butter. Press onto the bottom and 1 in. up the sides of a greased 9-in. springform pan. Place on a baking sheet. Bake at 350° for 7-9 minutes or until set. Cool on a wire rack. In a microwave-safe bowl, heat peanut butter on high for 30 seconds or until softened. Spread over crust to within 1 in. of edges.

In a large mixing bowl, beat cream cheese, sugar and sour cream until smooth. Add eggs; beat on low speed just until combined. Stir in vanilla. Pour 1 cup into a bowl; set aside. Pour remaining filling over peanut butter layer. In a microwave-safe bowl, heat 1/4 cup fudge topping on high for 30 seconds or until thin; fold into reserved cream cheese mixture. Carefully pour over filling; cut through with a knife to swirl.

Place pan on a baking sheet. Bake at 350° for 55-65 minutes or until center is almost set. Cool on a wire rack for 10 minutes. Carefully run a knife around edge of pan to loosen; cool 1 hour longer.

Microwave remaining fudge topping for 30 seconds or until warmed; spread over cheesecake. Garnish with peanut butter cups. Refrigerate overnight. Remove sides of pan. Yield: 12-14 servings.


COMMENTS

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White Chocolate Peanut Butter Squares

21:19 Mar 22 2008
Times Read: 547


Ingredients:

1 tablespoon plus 3/4 cup butter (no substitutes)

3 cups sugar

2/3 cup evaporated milk

1 package (10 ounces) peanut butter chips

1 jar (7 ounces) marshmallow creme

1 cup chopped nuts

1 tablespoon vanilla extract

1-1/2 pounds white candy coating

1/2 cup semisweet chocolate chips, optional

1 teaspoon shortening, optional

Directions:

Line a 13-in. x 9-in. x 2-in. baking pan with foil. Greased the foil with 1 tablespoon butter; set aside. In a heavy saucepan, combine the sugar, evaporated milk and remaining butter. Bring to a boil over medium heat; boil for 5 minutes, stirring constantly. Remove from the heat; stir in the peanut butter chips until melted. Add the marshmallow creme, nuts and vanilla; stir until blended. Pour into prepared pan. Cool.

Remove from pan and cut into 1-in. squares. Place on waxed paper-lined baking sheets; freeze or refrigerate until firm. In a microwave or heavy saucepan, melt the candy coating, stirring often. Dip the squares in coating; place on waxed paper-lined baking sheets until set. If desired, melt the chocolate chips and shortening; drizzle over the squares. Store in an airtight container. Yield: 3-1/4 pounds (about 9-1/2 dozen).


COMMENTS

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Double-Decker Fudge

21:15 Mar 22 2008
Times Read: 548


Ingredients:

1-1/2 teaspoons butter, softened

2-2/3 cups milk chocolate chips

1 cup creamy peanut butter, divided

2 tablespoons shortening, divided

2-2/3 cups vanilla or white chips

Directions:

Line a 13-in. x 9-in. x 2-in. pan with foil and grease the foil with butter; set aside.

In a large heavy saucepan, melt the milk chocolate chips, 1/2 cup peanut butter and 1 tablespoon shortening over low heat; cool and stir constantly until smooth. Pour into prepared pan. Refrigerate for 10 minutes or until firm.

Meanwhile, in a small heavy saucepan, melt the vanilla chips and the remaining peanut butter and shortening over low heat; cook and stir until smooth.

Spread evenly over the chocolate layer. Refrigerate for 30 minutes or until firm. Using the foil, lift fudge out of pan. Gently peel off the foil; cut into 1-in. squares. Yield: About 2-1/2 pounds.



COMMENTS

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Tootsie Roll Fudge Recipe

21:11 Mar 22 2008
Times Read: 549


Ingredients:

1 teaspoon plus 2 tablespoons butter, divided

2 cups miniature Tootsie Roll

2 tablespoons peanut butter

3-3/4 cups confectioners' sugar

2 tablespoons milk

1 teaspoon vanilla extract

1 cup chopped pecans

1/3 cup green and red M&M's

Directions:

Line a 9-in. square pan with foil. Grease the foil with 1 teaspoon butter; set aside. In a heavy saucepan, melt the Tootsie Rolls, peanut butter and remaining butter over low heat, stirring constantly. Gradually stir in the confectioners' sugar, milk and vanilla (mixture will be very thick). Fold in pecans.

Spread into prepared pan. Using a sharp knife, score the surface into 1-in. squares. Press an M&M into the center of each square. Cool. Using foil, remove fudge from pan; cut into squares. Store in an airtight container. Yield: About 2 pounds.


COMMENTS

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Tropical Cheesecake

20:54 Mar 22 2008
Times Read: 551


Ingredients:

1 cup flaked coconut

1/4 cup chopped almonds

2 tablespoons butter, melted

FILLING:

2 packages (8 ounces each) cream cheese, softened

1 cup sugar

3 tablespoons cornstarch

3 eggs

1 cup (8 ounces) sour cream

3 tablespoons lemon juice

2 teaspoons vanilla extract

1/4 teaspoon almond extract

TOPPING:

1/3 cup apricot preserves

1/2 cup pineapple tidbits

2 to 4 kiwifruit, peeled, sliced and halved

1/4 to 3/4 cup flaked coconut, toasted

Directions:

In a small bowl, combine coconut and almonds; stir in butter. Press onto the bottom of a greased 9-in. springform pan. Bake at 350° for 10 minutes. Cool on a wire rack.

In a mixing bowl, beat cream cheese and sugar until smooth. Add cornstarch and beat well. Add eggs; beat on low just until combined. Add sour cream, lemon juice and extract; beat just until blended. Pour over crust.

Bake at 350° for 45-50 minutes or until center is almost set. Cool on a wire rack for 1 hour. Refrigerate overnight. Remove sides of pan.

In a small saucepan, melt preserves, stirring to break up any apricot pieces. Arrange pineapple and kiwi on top of cheesecake. Brush preserves over fruit and on sides of cheese cake. Press coconut onto the sides of the cheesecake. Chill until serving. Yield: 10-12 servings.


COMMENTS

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Neapolitan Cheesecake

20:51 Mar 22 2008
Times Read: 552


Ingredients:

1 cup chocolate wafer crumbs (18 wafers)

3 tablespoons butter, melted

FILLING:

3 packages (8 ounces each) cream cheese, softened

3/4 cup sugar

1/4 cup heavy whipping cream

3 eggs, lightly beaten

1 teaspoon vanilla extract

2 squares (1 ounce each) semisweet chocolate, melted and cooled

2 squares (1 ounce each) white baking chocolate, melted and cooled

1/3 cup mashed frozen sweetened sliced strawberries, well-drained

Red liquid food coloring, optional

TOPPING:

3 squares (1 ounce each) semisweet chocolate

2 tablespoons butter

2 teaspoons shortening, divided

1 square (1 ounce) white baking chocolate

Directions:

In a small bowl, combine wafer crumbs and butter. Press onto the bottom of an ungreased 9-in. springform pan. Place pan on a baking sheet. Bake at 350° for 10 minutes. Cool on a wire rack. Reduce heat to 325°.

In a large mixing bowl, beat cream cheese until smooth. Gradually beat in sugar and cream. Add eggs and vanilla; beat on low just until combined. Divide batter into thirds. Add melted semisweet chocolate to a third. Spread over crust. Add melted white chocolate to another third. Spread over semisweet layer. Stir strawberries and a few drops of food coloring if desired into remaining portion. Spread over white chocolate layer. Place pan on a double thickness of heavy-duty foil (about 16 in. square). Securely wrap foil around pan.

Place springform pan in a large baking pan. Fill larger pan with hot water to a depth of 1 in. Bake at 325° for 70-75 minutes or until center is just set. Remove springform pan from water bath. Cool on a wire rack for 10 minutes. Remove foil. Carefully run a knife around the edge of pan to loosen; cool for 1 hour longer. Refrigerate overnight.

For topping, melt semisweet chocolate, butter and 1 teaspoon shortening in a heavy saucepan or microwave; stir until smooth. Cool 5 minutes. Remove sides of pan. Pour melted chocolate mixture over cheesecake. Melt white chocolate and remaining shortening. Drizzle over cheesecake. Refrigerate until chocolate is firm. Refrigerate leftovers. Yield: 12-14 servings.


COMMENTS

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Caramel Fudge Cheesecake

20:46 Mar 22 2008
Times Read: 553


Ingredients:

1 package fudge brownie mix (8-inch square pan size)

1 package (14 ounces) caramels

1/4 cup evaporated milk

1-1/4 cups coarsely chopped pecans

2 packages (8 ounces each) cream cheese, softened

1/2 cup sugar

2 eggs, lightly beaten

2 squares (1 ounce each) semisweet chocolate, melted and cooled

2 squares (1 ounce each) unsweetened chocolate, melted and cooled

Directions:

Prepare brownie batter according to the package directions. Spread into a greased 9-in. springform pan. Place pan on a baking sheet. Bake at 350° for 20 minutes. Place pan on a wire rack for 10 minutes (leave oven on).

Meanwhile, in a microwave-safe bowl, melt the caramels with milk. Pour over brownie crust; sprinkle with pecans. In a large mixing bowl, beat cream cheese and sugar. Add eggs; beat on low speed just until combined. Stir in melted chocolate. Pour over pecans. Return pan to baking sheet.

Bake for 35-40 minutes or until center is almost set. Cool on a wire rack for 10 minutes. Run a knife around edge of pan to loosen; cool one hour longer. Refrigerate overnight. Remove sides of pan. Refrigerate leftovers. Yield: 12 servings.


COMMENTS

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Buckeyes

20:43 Mar 22 2008
Times Read: 554


Ingredients:

5-1/2 cups confectioners' sugar

1-2/3 cups peanut butter

1 cup butter or margarine, melted

4 cups (24 ounces) semisweet chocolate chips

1 teaspoon shortening

Directions:

In a bowl, combine the sugar, peanut butter and butter; mix well. Shape into 1-in. balls; set aside.

In a heavy saucepan or microwave, melt chocolate chips and shortening; stir until smooth. Dip balls in chocolate; place on a wire rack over waxed paper. Refrigerate for 15 minutes or until firm. Cover and store in the refrigerator. Yield: about 5-1/2 dozen.


COMMENTS

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Rich Chocolate Brownies

20:39 Mar 22 2008
Times Read: 555


Ingredients:

1 cup sugar

2 eggs

1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract

1/2 cup butter, melted

1/2 cup all-purpose flour

1/3 cup baking cocoa

1/4 teaspoon baking powder

1/4 teaspoon salt

FROSTING:

3 tablespoons baking cocoa

3 tablespoons butter, melted

2 tablespoons warm water

1 teaspoon instant coffee granules

1-1/2 cups confectioners' sugar

Directions:

In a large mixing bowl, beat the sugar, eggs and vanilla. Add butter; mix well. Combine the flour, cocoa, baking powder and salt; add to batter and mix well.

Pour into a greased 8-in. square baking dish. Bake at 350° for 25-30 minutes or until a toothpick inserted near the center comes out clean. Cool on a wire rack.

For frosting, combine the cocoa and butter. Combine the water and coffee granules; add to cocoa mixture. Stir in sugar until smooth. Frost brownies. Yield: 12 servings.


COMMENTS

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Chocolate Peanut Butter Brownies

20:33 Mar 22 2008
Times Read: 556


Ingredients:

2 squares (1 ounce each) unsweetened chocolate

1/2 cup butter

2 eggs

1 cup sugar

1/2 cup all-purpose flour

FILLING:

1-1/2 cups confectioners' sugar

1/2 cup creamy peanut butter

1/4 cup butter, softened

2 to 3 tablespoons half-and-half cream or milk

GLAZE:

1 square (1 ounce) semisweet baking chocolate

1 tablespoon butter

Directions:

In a small saucepan, melt chocolate and butter over low heat; set aside. In a mixing bowl, beat eggs and sugar until light and pale colored. Add flour and melted chocolate; stir well. Pour into a greased 9-in. square baking pan. Bake at 350° for 25 minutes or until the brownies test done. Cool. For filling, beat confectioners' sugar, peanut butter and butter in a mixing bowl. Stir in cream or milk until mixture reaches desired spreading consistency. Spread over cooled brownies; cover and chill until firm. For glaze; melt chocolate and butter in a saucepan, stirring until smooth. Drizzle over the filling. Chill before cutting. Store in refrigerator. Yield: about 5 dozen.


COMMENTS

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omg rofl!!

02:05 Mar 22 2008
Times Read: 560


This was written by a guy... it's pretty damn smart. Girls -- Have a sense of humor!



I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.



FOR EXAMPLE:



One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.



Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."



I said, "WHAT??!! What was that?!"



So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...



"You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."



She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"



Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.



The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, "Lets get a pair for each outfit."



We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.



I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, "I think this is all

dear, let's go to the cashier."



I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."



Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, "WHAT?"



I then said, "Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."



And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"



Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least that Bitch knows I'm smarter than her.


COMMENTS

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Shopping

02:01 Mar 22 2008
Times Read: 561


Did you ever wonder what a husband does while he is in a store waiting on his wife to shop? Check out the following letter....





Dear Mrs. Crook,



Our store is considering banning your family from ever shopping with us

again, unless your husband stops his antics. Below is a list of offenses

over the past few months... all verified by our surveillance cameras.





1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's

carts when they weren't looking.



2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.



3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the restrooms.



4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone,

"'Code 3' in House wares!"... .. and watched what happened.



5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag of M&M's on

lay away.



6. September 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.



7. September 15: Set up a camping tent in the sporting goods department,

and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the Bedding department.



8. September 23: When a clerk asks if they can help him, he begins to cry and asks "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"



9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror, and picked his nose.



10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, asked the clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are.



11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously loudly humming the

"Mission Impossible" theme.



12. December 6: In the auto department, practiced his "Madonna look"

using different size funnels.



13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through,

yelled "PICK ME!, PICK ME!"



14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he

assumes the fetal position and screams "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!"



....and; last, but not least



15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door and waited a

while; then, yelled, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!"


COMMENTS

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Italian Boy's Confession

01:58 Mar 22 2008
Times Read: 562


"Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose woman."



The priest asks, "Is that you, little Johnny Paris?"



"Yes, Father, it is."



"And who was the woman you were with?"



"I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation."



"Well, Johnny, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later, so you may

as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?"



"I cannot say."



"Was it Teresa Volpe?"



"I'll never tell."



"Was it Gina Capelli?"



"I'm sorry, but I cannot name her."



"Was it Mary Piriano?"



"My lips are sealed."



"Was it Rosa Di Angelo, then?"



"Please, Father, I cannot tell you."



The priest sighs in frustration. "You're very tight lipped, Johnny

Parisi, and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself."



Johnny walks back to his pew, and his friend Nino slides over and whispers, "What'd you get?"



"Four months vacation and five good leads........"


COMMENTS

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Christmas Cake Recipe

01:50 Mar 22 2008
Times Read: 563


It's time once again for that fabulous Christmas cake that helps us get through the holidays...



1 cup of water

1 tsp baking soda

1 cup of sugar

1 tsp salt

1 cup of brown sugar

lemon juice

4 large eggs

1 cup nuts

2 cups of dried fruit

1 bottle Crown Royal/Whiskey/Rum



- Sample the Liquor to check quality.



- Take a large bowl, check the Liquor again, to be sure it is of the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink.



- Turn on the electric mixer...Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.



- Add one teaspoon of sugar...Beat again.



- At this point it's best to make sure the Liquor is still OK, try another cup.. just in case.



- Turn off the mixer thingy.



- Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.



- Pick the frigging fruit off floor...



- Mix on the turner.



- If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers just pry it loose with a dewscriver.



- Sample the Liquor to check for tonsisticity.



- Next, sift two cups of salt, or something.... who giveshz a sheet.



- Check the Liquor.



- Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.



- Add one table.

- Add a spoon of ar, or somefink.... you can find.

- Greash the oven.



- Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over.



- Don't forget to beat off the turner.



- Finally, throw the bowl through the window.



- Finish the bottle of Liquor.



- Make sure to put the stove in the dishwasher.



Cherry Mistmas


COMMENTS

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Dear Alcohol,

01:39 Mar 22 2008
Times Read: 564


Dear Alcohol,



First & foremost, let me tell you that I'm a huge fan of yours.



As my friend, you always seem to be there when needed. The perfect post-work cocktail, a beer at the game, and you're even around in the holiday's hidden inside chocolates as you warm us when we're stuck in the midst of endless family gatherings.



However, lately I've been wondering about your intentions. While I want to believe that you have my best interests at heart, I feel that your influence has led to some unwise consequences:



1. Phone calls: While I agree with you that communication is important, I question the suggestion that any conversation of substance or necessity takes place after 2 a.m. Why would you make me call those ex-boyfriends/girlfriends when I know for a fact they do not want to hear from me during the day, let alone all hours of the night?



2. Eating: Now, you know I love a good meal, but why do you suggest that I eat a taco with chili sauce, along with a big Italian meatball and some stale chips (washed down with WINE & topped off with a Kit Kat after a few cheese curls & chili cheese fries)? I'm an eclectic eater, but I think you went too far this time.



3. Clumsiness: Unless you're subtly trying to tell me that I need to do more yoga to improve my balance, I see NO need to hammer the issue home by causing me to fall down. It's completely unnecessary, and the black & blue marks that appear on my body mysteriously the next day are beyond me.

Similarly, it should never take me more than 45 seconds to get the front door key into the lock.



4. Furthermore: The hangovers have GOT to stop! This is getting ridiculous. I know a little penance for our previous evening's debauchery may be in order, but the 3pm hangover immobility is completely unacceptable. My entire day is shot. I ask that, if the proper precautions are taken (water, vitamin B, bread products, aspirin) prior to going to sleep/passing out face down on the kitchen floor with a bag of popcorn, the hangover should be minimal & in no way interfere with my daily activities.



Alcohol, I have enjoyed our friendship for some years now & would like to ensure that we remain on good terms. You've been the invoker of great stories, the provocation for much laughter, and the needed companion when I just don't know what to do with the extra money in my pockets. In order to continue this friendship, I ask that you carefully review my grievances above & address them immediately. I will look for an answer no later than Thursday 3pm (pre-happy hour) on your possible solutions & hopefully we can continue this fruitful partnership.



Thank you,

Your Biggest Fan



P.S. THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:

1. Innovative

2. Preliminary

3. Proliferation

4. Cinnamon



THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:

1. Specificity

2. British Constitution

3. Passive-aggressive disorder



THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN

DRUNK:

1. Thanks, but I don't want to have sex.

2. Nope, no more beer for me.

3. Sorry, but you're not really my type.

4. Good evening, officer. Isn't it lovely out tonight?

5. Oh, I couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing.

__________________


COMMENTS

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Taking a Female to Bed

01:33 Mar 22 2008
Times Read: 565


At 8 -- You take her to bed and tell her a story.









At 18 -- You tell her a story and take her to bed.









At 28 -- You don't need to tell her a story to take her to bed.









At 38 -- She tells you a story and takes you to bed.









At 48 -- She tells you a story to avoid going to bed.









At 58 -- You stay in bed to avoid her story.









At 68 -- If you take her to bed, that'll be a story!









At 78 -- What story??? What bed??? Who the hell are you???


COMMENTS

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The Bitch In The Kitchen..lmao!

01:31 Mar 22 2008
Times Read: 566


A mother was working in the kitchen listening to her 5-year-old son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son saying, "All of you sons of Bitches who want off, get the hell off now...cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of Bitches who are getting on, get your asses in the train...cause we're going down the tracks."



The horrified mother went in and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train...but I want you to use nice language."



Two hours later, the son came out of the bedroom and resumed playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say...



"All passengers, please remember your things, thank you and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon." She heard her little darling continue..."For those of you just boarding, remember, there is no smoking in the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today."



As the mother began to smile, the child added,



"For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the Bitch in the kitchen...."


COMMENTS

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NEW DRUGS FOR WOMEN

01:27 Mar 22 2008
Times Read: 567




DAMNITOL

Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 full hours .





EMPTYNESTROGEN

Suppository that eliminates melancholy and loneliness by reminding

you of how awful they were as teenagers and how y ou couldn't wait till they moved out .







ST . MOMMA'S WORT

Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering preschoolers

unconscious for up to two days .









PEPTOBIMBO

Liquid silicone drink for single women . Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and

prevents conception .











DUMBEROL

When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low IQ, resulting

in enjoyment of country music and pickup trucks .







FLIPITOR

Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and

the urge to flip off other drivers .









MENICILLIN

Potent anti-boy-otic for older women . Increases resistance to such lethal lines as, "You make me want to be a better person . "







BUYAGRA

Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping Increases potency,

duration, and credit limit of spending spree .











JACKASSPIRIN

Relieves headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday, anniversary, phone number, or to lift the toilet seat .











ANTI-TALKSIDENT

A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager

to share their life stories with total strangers in elevators .







NAGAMENT

When administered to a boyfriend or husband, provides the same

irritation level as nagging him .





Apparently I have been taking the combonation of DUMBEROL and PEPTOBIMBO....

COMMENTS

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Girl`s nite out

02:31 Mar 19 2008
Times Read: 574


Two women friends had gone for a girl's night out. Both were very faithful and loving wives, however, they had gotten over-enthusiastic on the Bacardi Breezers. Incredibly drunk and walking home they needed to pee, so they stopped in the cemetery.



One of them had nothing to wipe with so she thought she would take off her panties and use them. Her friend however was wearing a rather expensive pair of panties and did not want to ruin them. She was lucky enough to squat down next to a grave that had a wreath with a ribbon on it, so she proceeded to wipe with that.



After the girls did their business they proceeded to go home. The next day one of the women's husbands was concerned that his normally sweet and innocent wife was still in bed hung over, so he phoned the other husband and said, "These girl nights have got to stop! I'm starting to suspect the worst.. my wife came home with no panties!!"



"That's nothing" said the other husband, "Mine came back with a card stuck to her ass that said.....



'From all of us at the Fire Station. We'll never forget you.'"


COMMENTS

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Female comebacks hahaha

02:28 Mar 19 2008
Times Read: 575


Man: Where have you been all my life?

Woman: Hiding from you.



Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?

Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.



Man: Is this seat empty?

Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.



Man: Your place or mine?

Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.



Man: So, what do you do for a living?

Woman: I'm a female impersonator.



Man: Hey baby, what's your sign?

Woman: Do not enter.



Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?

Woman: Unfertilized.



Man: Your body is like a temple.

Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.



Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.

Woman: But would you stay there?



Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.

Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.



Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put u and i together

Woman: Really, I'd put f and u together


COMMENTS

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Ten Times The Normal Size!!!

02:27 Mar 19 2008
Times Read: 576


The 6th grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, "Which human body part increases to ten times its size when stimulated?"



No one answered until little Mary stood up and said, "You should not be asking sixth-graders a question like that! I'm going to tell my parents, and they will go and tell the principal, who will then fire you!"



Mrs. Parks ignored her and asked the question again, "Which body part increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?"



Little Mary's mouth fell open. Then she said to those around her, "Boy, is she going to get in big trouble!"



The teacher continued to ignore her and said to the class, "Anybody?"



Finally, Billy stood up, looked around nervously, and said, "The body part that increases 10 times its size when stimulated is the pupil of the eye."



Mrs. Parks said, "Very good, Billy,"



She then turned to Mary and continued. "As for you, young lady, I have three things to say:



One, you have a dirty mind, two, you didn't read your homework,

and three, one day you are going to be very, very disappointed.


COMMENTS

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Little Johnny's at it again.....

02:23 Mar 19 2008
Times Read: 577


A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!" After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?" "No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"



* * * * * * * * * * *



Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face. "Why do you do that, mommy?" he asked. "To make myself beautiful," said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue. "What's the matter,Mommy?" asked Little Johnny. "You Giving up?"



* * * * * * * * * * *



The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class. She called on him and said,

"Johnny! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?" Little Johnny quickly replied, "NBC, FOX, ESPN and the Cartoon Network!"



* ; * * * * * * * * * *



Little Johnny's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the 10 most wanted criminals. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person. "Yes," said the policeman. "The detectives want very badly to capture him." Little Johnny asked, "Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture?"



* * * * * * * * * * *



Little Johnny attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse's legs and rump, and chest. After a few minutes, Johnny asked, "Dad, why are you doing that?" His father replied, "Because when I'm buying horses, I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy. Johnny, looking worried, said, "Dad, I think the UPS guy wants to buy Mom."


COMMENTS

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Grandpa's On The Porch Again

02:20 Mar 19 2008
Times Read: 578


A man came to visit his grandparents, and he noticed

his grandfather sitting on the porch, in the rocking

chair, wearing only a shirt, with nothing on from

the waist down.



"Grandpa, what are you doing? Your weenie is out in

the wind for everyone to see!" he exclaimed.

The old man looked off in the distance without

answering.



"Grandpa, what are you doing sitting out here with

nothing on below the waist?" he asked again.

The old man slowly looked at him and said,

"Well...last week I sat out here with no shirt on,

and I got a stiff neck. This is your grandma's

idea.


COMMENTS

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Top Ten Reasons Why Trick-or-Treating is Better Than Sex

02:16 Mar 19 2008
Times Read: 579


10. You're guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack.



9. If you get tired, you can wait 10 minutes and go at it again.



8. The uglier you look, the easier it is to get some.



7. You don't have to compliment the person who gives you some.



6. It's okay if the person you're with fantasizes you're someone else, because you actually are.



5. Forty years from now you'll still enjoy candy.



4. If you don't like what you get, you can always go next door.



3. It doesn't matter if the kids hear you moaning and groaning.



2. There's a lot less guilt the morning after.



1. You can do the whole neighborhood.


COMMENTS

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Creole Christmas Fruitcake with Whiskey Sauce

01:31 Mar 19 2008
Times Read: 559


This festive Christmas fruitcake incorporates fruits, nuts, Grand Marnier, and bourbon then smothered in whiskey sauce.

INGREDIENTS:

For the Simple Syrup:

2 cups granulated sugar

2 cups water

Strips of zest of 2 lemons (about 3 Tablespoons)

Juice of 2 lemons (about 1/4 cup)

.

For the Cake:

1 pound of a combination of dried fruits, such as blueberries, cranberries, cherries, raisins, and chopped apricots

1 pound (4 sticks) unsalted butter, at room temperature

2-1/4 cups granulated sugar

4 ounces almond paste

8 large eggs

1 cup Grand Marnier or other orange-flavored liqueur

4 cups bleached all-purpose flour

2 teaspoons baking powder

1/4 teaspoon salt

1/4 teaspoon ground cinnamon

1/8 teaspoon freshly grated nutmeg

1 cup slivered blanched almonds

1 cup pecan pieces

1 cup walnut pieces

1/2 cup bourbon

Whiskey Sauce (recipe link below)

PREPARATION:

Make a simple syrup by combining the sugar and water in a medium-size heavy-bottomed saucepan over medium-high heat. Add the lemon zest and juice and bring to a boil, stirring to dissolve the sugar. Boil for 2 minutes and remove from the heat.



Combine the dried fruits together in a large mixing bowl.Pour the simply syrup over them, toss to coat, and let steep for 5 minutes. Strain and reserve the syrup.



Cream the butter, sugar, and almond paste together in the bowl of an electric mixer fitted with a paddle at low speed, occasionally scraping down the sides of the bowl. Beat until the mixture is fluffy and smooth, about 2 minutes. Add the eggs one at a time, mixing in between each addition on low speed and scraping down the sides of the bowl as necessary. Add 1/2 cup of the Grand Marnier and mix to incorporate.



Combine the flour, baking powder, salt, cinnamon, and nutmeg in a medium-size mixing bowl and blend well. Add this mixture 1/2 cup at a time to the butter mixture with the mixer on low speed, each time mixing until smooth, about 2 minutes. Scrape down the sides of the bowl as necessary. The batter will be thick.



Add the warm fruit and all the nuts a little at a time, mixing well. Scrape down the sides of the bowl and the paddle.



Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F.



Lightly grease twelve 1-pound loaf pans. Spoon about 1 cup of batter into each pan. Bake until golden and the tops spring back when touched, about 45 minutes (rearranging them after 25 minutes if necessary to brown evenly).



Cool for 10 minutes in the pans. Remove fruitcakes from the pans and cool completely on wire racks.



Wrap each cake in a layer of cheesecloth. Store in plastic storage bags until they are slightly stale, 3 to 4 days.



Combine the reserved simple syrup with the remaining 1/2 cup Grand Marnier and the bourbon. Without removing the cheesecloth, make tiny holes with a toothpick randomly on the top of each cake. Pour 2 tablespoons of the syrup over the top of each cake once every 2 to 3 days until all of the syrup is used. Let the cakes age for up to 3 weeks before eating.



For Serving: Warm the Whiskey Sauce and serve with slices of fruitcake.



Yield: 12 cakes


COMMENTS

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Irish Whiskey Potato Green Chile Stew

01:27 Mar 19 2008
Times Read: 560


Ingredients

1/2 cup olive oil

2 Tbsp chopped garlic

2 cups chopped Spanish onions

2 fresh jalapenos, sliced

1/2 Tbsp. salt

1 Tbsp black pepper

1 Tbsp oregano

1 pound lamb stew meat, cut into 1/2 inch cubes

2 shots Jameson Irish Whiskey

8 new potatoes, cut into bite-size pieces

4 cups chopped green chiles

2 cups chopped tomatoes

8 cups beef broth





Instructions

Saute garlic, onions, and jalapenos in the olive oil. Add the salt, black pepper, and oregano. Cook until the onions are clear, about 10 minutes. Add the lamb and brown for 10 minutes more. Add the whiskey and potatoes. Stir for another 10 minutes. Add the green chiles and tomatoes. Stir until all the ingredients are mixed together and warmed through. Add the beef broth and simmer for 1 -1/2 hrs. Serve with hot flour tortillas.



Yield: 6 to 8 servings


COMMENTS

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Chocolate Whiskey Balls

01:25 Mar 19 2008
Times Read: 561


This version of the classic bourbon balls uses chocolate cookie crumbs to add sinful richness. These candy gems keep well, if you can stay away from them.

INGREDIENTS:

1 cup pecans

1 cup chocolate wafer cookie crumbs

1 cup confectioners sugar

1-1/2 Tablespoons light corn syrup

1/4 cup whisky

Powdered sugar for rolling

PREPARATION:

Grind the pecans and the chocolate wafers coarsely in a food processor and empty into a large bowl.Mix in the sugar, corn syrup, and whisky very thoroughly (I use my hands). Shape the mixture into balls the size of a quarter and roll in powdered sugar.



Keep in an airtight container in a cool place, or freeze on a baking sheet until each is firm and store in tightly sealed plastic bags.



Yield: 2 to 3 dozen



COMMENTS

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Bourbon Pecan Pie Recipe

01:23 Mar 19 2008
Times Read: 562


This classic Southern recipe combines pecans and bourbon in a delicious pie. If need be, the bourbon may be omitted for a plain pecan pie.

INGREDIENTS:

1 cup pecan pieces

2 Tablespoons and 4 Tablespoons and 3 Tablespoons lightly salted butter (9 Tablespoons total)

1/8 teaspoon and 1/8 teaspoon and 1/8 teaspoon salt (scant 1/2 teaspoon total)

1 cup and 2 Tablespoons light corn syrup (1-1/8 cups total)

3/4 cup and 1/2 cup light brown sugar, packed (1-1/4 cups total)

2 Tablespoons arrowroot

2 Tablespoons water at room temperature

2 Tablespoons bourbon

2 teaspoons and 1/2 teaspoon pure vanilla extract (2-1/2 teaspoons total)

3 large eggs at room temperature

3 large egg yolks at room temperature

1 recipe Orange Crust variation of Pie Crust for Longer Cooking Times (see recipe link below), pre-baked (see Note)

1-1/3 cups pecan halves

PREPARATION:

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F (177 degrees C).



Roast the pecan pieces on a baking sheet in the center of the oven for 8 minutes only.While the pecans are hot, stir in 2 tablespoons butter and 1/8 teaspoon salt.



Raise the oven temperature to 400 degrees F (204 degrees C).



Boil 1 cup corn syrup, 3/4 cup brown sugar, 4 tablespoons butter, and 1/8 teaspoon salt in a medium size, heavy saucepan on medium heat for 3 minutes. Remove from the heat and let cool for 2 minutes. Stir together the arrowroot and water in a small bowl. Stir in the bourbon and 2 teaspoons vanilla. Stir this mixture well into the hot syrup. Stir the eggs and egg yolks together in a large bowl, then stir the hot syrup in a little at a time. Sprinkle pecan pieces over pre-baked crust. Pour the filling over the pecans and bake in the lower third of the oven for 35 minutes. If the crust edge is getting too brown, cover just the edge with foil.



While the pie is baking, stir together and boil 3 tablespoons butter, 1/8 teaspoon salt, 2 tablespoons corn syrup, and 1/2 cup brown sugar in a medium-size, heavy saucepan for 1 minute. Remove from the heat and stir in pecan halves and 1/2 teaspoon vanilla.



Pile or arrange coated pecan halves on top of pie and return to the oven for 10 minutes.



Note: Use a shiny or light-colored removable bottom tart pan. If the tart pan is 1-1/2 inches deep, use a 9-inch pan. If the pan is 1-inch deep, use a 10-inch pan.



Variation: For a plain pecan pie, omit the bourbon.


COMMENTS

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Individual No-Bake Strawberry Cheesecakes

20:58 Mar 17 2008
Times Read: 566


[Note] on this one you can choose to use the fruit or not

also you can use other fruits as well



you can also do individual shells or 1 lg shell





12 strawberries

12 ounces softened cream cheese, 1 1/2 (8-ounce) bricks

2/3 cup sour cream

1 cup confectioners' sugar

1 teaspoon vanilla extract

6 individual gram cracker crusts, available on baking aisle



Coarsely chop 6 berries and place in food processor. Add cream cheese, sour cream, confectioners' sugar, vanilla extract and process until smooth. Using a rubber spatula, fill pie tins. Garnish cheesecakes with slices of remaining berries.


COMMENTS

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Rocky Road Cheesecake

20:56 Mar 17 2008
Times Read: 567


INGREDIENTS



Base

1 cup chocolate wafer crumbs

3 tblsp butter, melted



Filling

1/3 cup cocoa

1/2 tsp vanilla extract

1 envelope of unflavoured gelatine

2 cups mini marshmallows

1/4 cup cold water

1 cup cream, whipped

500g cream cheese, softened

1/2 cup chopped nuts (i.e. walnuts, peanuts, etc)

3/4 cup caster sugar



METHOD



Base

Combine wafer crumbs and melted butter and mix well. Press into the base of a 23cm springform cake tin. Bake at 180 degrees celsius for 10 minutes. Remove from oven and set aside to cool.



Filling

Add water to a small saucepan. Sprinkle gelatine over water. Over low heat, stir continuously until gelatine has dissolved. Set aside to cool slightly.



Using an electric mixer, beat cream cheese and caster sugar until smooth and fluffy. Add cocoa and vanilla and mix on medium speed until well blended. Gradually add gelatine mixture and continue mixing until well blended. Fold in whipped cream, nuts and marshmallows. Pour cream cheese mixture over biscuit base and refrigerate until firm.


COMMENTS

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Horror-scope

20:51 Mar 17 2008
Times Read: 588


LOL seen this and had to share.



Today's your lucky day!



Yes, it's time to see what the stars have in store for you as I reveal

your personal Horror-scope!











PISCES





February 19 to March 20





You'll have good luck at work this month. You'll lose your job. You always said you hated it!









AQUARIUS





January 20 to February 18





Beware of a tall dark person with a handlebar mustache -- especially if it's a woman.









CAPRICORN





December 22 to January 19





Now's the time to do something about your appearance ... Avoid havin' ugleee parents!









SAGITTARIUS





November 22 to December 21





This month your troubles will revolve around your family. The Manson Family. Lock your doors.









SCORPIO





October 24 to November 21





You will meet that perfect someone special through the personal ads. Try to overlook the fact that this person is 4 feet tall, weighs 300 pounds and has a bad personality.









LIBRA





September 23 to October23





Avoid having an argument with anyone carrying a chainsaw.









VIRGO





August 23 to September 22





Call up an old friend you haven't seen in a while ... unless you owe him money.







LEO





July 23 to August 22





Attempt a romantic relationship with someone born under the sign of Cancer. They are attracted to Leos and open to your advances.







CANCER





June 22 to July 22





Stay away from Leos. They're over-eager sex fiends with only one thing on their minds.









GEMINI





May 22 to June 21





Someone will send you a fur coat this month. But beware: it will be a do-it-yourself kit.









TAURUS





April 21 to May 21





Watch your diet. Don't eat any food that's blue, hairy or looks like it's been eaten before.









ARIES





March 21 to April 20





If geeks are all you seem to be attracting lately, try hanging a No-Pest Strip from your belt


COMMENTS

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Yule Recipes

20:47 Mar 17 2008
Times Read: 569


Recipe for Plum Pudding

1/4 lb. flour

1/4 lb. currants

1 tsp. salt

1/4 lb. sultanas (small raisins)

1 tsp. allspice

2 cooking apples, peeled, cored and chopped

1 tsp. ginger

1 ounce cut mixed (citrus) peel

1 tsp. cinnamon

2 oz. shredded almonds

pinch fresh grated nutmeg

Juice and grated rind of 1 orange and 1 lemon

1/4 lb. fresh breadcrumbs

1/4 lb. molasses (treacle)

1/2 lb. shredded suet

4 large eggs

1/4 lb. brown sugar

2 tbsp. brandy

1/4 lb. dried chopped apricots

1/4 lb. prunes

1/4 lb dates

Sift flour, salt and spices into a large bowl. Stir in breadcrumbs, suet and sugar.



Add fruits, peel and rind. Beat lemon and orange juice, molasses and eggs together and add to other ingredients.



Steam for 6 hours -- a coffee tin filled with the mixture and placed in a steamer in a covered pan does well.



A little vinegar and lemon juice in the water will prevent the pan from discoloration.



After steaming cover in a cool place and let age as long as possible - usually about 5 weeks.



To serve, re-steam for another 3 hours. Remove from tin, douse with warm brandy and set it ablaze!



If you haven't got six weeks before Yule to prepare a proper pudding a tinned one from Crosse & Blackwell will do fine. Just be sure to always heat the pudding first, no matter who made it, or all the warmed brandy in the world won't help. And don't forget the hard sauce!





Winter Meditation Incense:

2 parts Pine

1 ½ part Juniper

1 ½ part Cedar

2 parts frankincense



Cocoa Snowballs



3 eggs

1 1/2 cup sugar

1/2 cup powdered cocoa

3/4 cup milk

1/4 cup butter

1 tsp vanilla

pinch of salt

1 1/2 cups flour

1/2 tsp baking soda

2 containers of white frosting

2 3/4 cups flaked coconut

Beat eggs, gradually beat 1/2 cup sugar into the eggs and set aside. Combine remaining sugar, cocoa, milk and butter in a pan and cook on low heat until sugar is dissolved and butter is melted. Remove from heat and add vanilla and salt. Pour egg mixture into that. In a bowl, put remaining dry ingredients and slowly add the cocoa mixture, beating all the while.... fill 30 , 2 1/2" muffin cups about 1/2 full and bake 20-25 mins at 325 degrees. Cool completely and frost bottom, top and sides. Then roll them in the coconut. Let them stand at room temperature until the frosting is firm, then serve or store in a container.





Lemon Biscotti With Dark Chocoate and Almonds



Biscotti is a type of Italian hard cookie, meant to be dipped in a hot drink (like tea or coffee, or hot chocolate) and promptly eaten.



6tbs. butter

1c. sugar

2 eggs

1tsp. vanilla

zest of one lemon

juice of one lemon

about 2 1/3 c. flour (adjust as necessary for for wetness or dryness of your mixture)

1tsp. baking powder

1/4 tsp. salt.

1 package dark chocolate chips

about 2c. thinly sliced almonds toasted

Set aside chocolate chips and almonds, to be used later. Preheat oven to 350 degrees farenheit. Mix all wet ingredients and sugar until smooth. Add all dry ingredients except flour and mix. (make sure there are no lumps in the salt or baking powder, no one wants to bite into a clump of that!) Add flour, starting out with 2c. and then slowly adding more until dough just pulls away from sides of bowl. (It'll be a little sticky, you want it to be somewhere in between chocolate chip cookie dough and bread dough) flour your hands and separate dough into two approx. even balls. Form dough into two logs approx. 10in (or so, doesn't have to be exact) in length and place on greased cookie sheet (make sure there's a couple of inches in between). When Shannon did this she covered her cookie sheet with aluminum foil and greased that, which made cleanup much easier. Bake in a 350 degree oven for half an hour. Take out and let cool completely. When cooled, slice on diagonal (about a 45 degree angle), and place cookies cut side up on baking sheet. Still at 350, bake cookies for about 8 min., take out, turn over, and bake for another 8 min. or so (for harder crunchier cookies, bake for longer, for softer ones, decrease cooking time. This dough is actually not as crunchy as many, so keep that in mind when adjusting for personal tastes).



Melt chocolate chips in the top of a double boiler over not in boiling water. Carefully spoon melted chocolate over 1/2 of biscotti on both sides (by one half I mean 1/2 of the length) holding it over pot of chocolate to let drips fall back into pot. Be careful, 'cause the cookies may be a little crumbly and you don't want to loose half of your cookie in the chocolate! While chocolate is still warm, press toasted almonds into chocolate, and then lay biscotti out on wax paper to let the chocolate cool. Enjoy!!





Danish Gingerbread Recipe



1 cup butter

2/3 cup brown sugar

1/3 cup light corn syrup

2/3 cup honey

1 teasp grated lemon rind

1 teasp vanilla extract

1 teasp ground ginger

1/2 teasp ground cloves

1 teasp ground cinnamon

1 teasp salt

1 teasp baking soda

4 1/2 cups flour

Cream butter and sugar. Add syrup, honey, lemon rind & vanilla, spices, salt & soda. Add enough flour to make soft dough. Chill until firm enough to roll.



Set oven to 350 degrees. Grease & flour baking sheets. On floured cloth roll dough 1/8 inch thick. Cut shapes with cookie cutters. Bake 8 min or until puffed and dry. Cool on a rack and decorate with colored icing.





Icing for Gingerbread

1 1/2 cup sifted confectioner's sugar

1 egg white

1 teasp lemon juice

a few drops of vanilla extract

various food colorings

(Collect flavored extracts and food colorings and get creative)



Beat everything but the colors and extracts until the icing peaks. If necessary add more sugan and egg white. Divide into separate bowls for each of the different colors and extracts...have fun!





Lussekattor





1/2 t. dried saffron

3 tablespoons boiling water

2 tablespoons dry yeast

1 teaspoon salt

1/3 cup butter

1/4 cup sugar

1 cup scalded milk

1 egg

1/2 cup dried candied fruit rinds (can be omitted but increase amount of currants added)

1/2 cup currants

4 cups sifted flour

1/2 cup raisins

1 egg yolk

Soak the dried saffron in the boiling water for about 2 hours (you can omit this step by using powdered saffron). In a large warm bowl, dissolve the yeast in 1/4 cup water with 1 teaspoon sugar. Put remaining sugar, salt and butter into the scalded milk and stir until everything is melted. Strain the saffron and add the saffron water to the mixture.



Cool milk to lukewarm and pour it into the bowl. Beat the egg into it. Coat the currents and candied fruit rinds with 2 tablespoons flour. Gradually work the remaining flour into the yeast. Add fruits; turn out onto a floured board and kneed for 10 minutes or until the dough is no longer sticky. Place the dough in a butter bowl and roll it around to grease well. Cover with a cloth and let it rise in a warm place until doubled in bulk (about 1 - 1 1/2 hours). Punch down and put onto the board and kneed a few times. Divide the dough into 24 rounded buns. Punch 2 raisins into the buns to look like eyes and place on greased cookie sheet and let rise for 1/2 hour. Bake in a preheated 400 degree oven for 15 minutes. Lower the heat to 350 degrees and bake for another 20 minutes.



An alternative form is a wreath. There are several ways to make one. This is a plaited wreath: Divide the dough into 3 equal parts and roll them out into 24" long rolls. Start plaiting from the middle.



Alternately put the right and left roll over the middle roll.



Finish the other half alternately putting the right and left roll under the middle roll. Tuck in the ends and let rise. Brush with whisked egg before putting them in the oven.



Oven temperature: 375F for 15-20 minutes for wreaths.





Almond Cookies



1 cup butter

1 cup powdered sugar

Cream together butter and sugar, then add egg, then flavorings





1 well beaten egg

1/2 t. almond, 1/2 t. vanilla flavoring

2 cups flour

Mix together all dry ingredients, then add to creamed mixture. Stir in nuts.





3/8 teaspoon salt

1 t. soda

1 t. cream of tartar

1/2 cup finely chopped nuts

Drop onto a plain cookie sheet and criss-cross with fork tines. Remove cookies before the bottoms darken: should have a golden yellow color, not dark at sides.





Thin German Crepes



These pancakes are brilliant for the morning after the Solstice, and are excellent served the European way: with a sprinkling of sugar and fresh lemon juice squeezed on top.





5 well beaten eggs...add salt, sugar and flour to beaten eggs to make a smooth paste.

1/4 teaspoon salt

1 1/2 Cups flour

2 Tablespoons sugar

2 1/4 cups milk

Add milk and stir well until thin and creamy. Let sit for 5 to 10 minutes to thicken. Stir again and cook as pancakes with a hot buttered pan. Re-apply small amounts of butter as needed. Serve with lemons and sugar, rolled up and cut, or with any accompaniments you can think of.





Wassail



The traditional, classic Yuletide hot mulled cider drink.





4 litres apple cider or juice (fresh milled organic is excellent!)

1 orange, chopped

1 lime, chopped

1 lemon, chopped

4 cinnamon sticks or 1 t. ground cinnamon

1 inch-square piece of fresh ginger or 1/4 t. ground ginger

1 t. cloves, allspice and/or star anise

Heat all and simmer in an enamel pot (aluminum can impart a metallic flavor) on low for an hour, then serve to cold, caroling folks.





brandy or rum for adults, optional


COMMENTS

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Full Moon Recipes

20:46 Mar 17 2008
Times Read: 570


Full Moon Oil



1 1/2 drams Sandalwood oil

1 dram Lemon oil

1/2 dram Rose oil

Mix well and bottle.



Fall Moon Cakes

(Cakes to be eaten at full Moons in the fall)



Traditional Chinese moon cakes are round like their namesake and are usually filled with red bean paste, lotus seed paste or coconut. This nonfilled version is crunchy and sweet, and a little more familiar to American kids' palates.



1 cup butter

2/3 cup sugar

1 egg

2 1/2 cups all-purpose flour

1/2 tsp. salt

1 tsp. vanilla extract

Vanilla frosting

Grated coconut (optional)

Cream the butter and sugar. Stir in the egg, add the flour, salt and vanilla extract, then let chill for a few hours. Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Roll out the dough to 1/4-inch thickness and cut out circles with a 3-inch cookie cutter. Bake 8 to 10 minutes or until just brown. Frost when cooled and sprinkle grated coconut on top, if desired. Makes 4 to 5 dozen cookies.





Full Moon Ritual Incense

2 parts Sandalwood

2 parts Frankincense

1/2 part Gardenia petals

1/4 part Rose petals

a few drops Ambergris oil

Burn during Esbats or simply at the time of the Full Moon to attune with the Goddess.





(Another) Full Moon Oil

13 drops of sandalwood essential oil

9 drops of vanilla essential oil or extract

3 drops of jasmine essential oil

1 drop of rose essential oil

Mix prior to a full moon. Charge in a clear container or vial in the light of the full moon. Use to annoint candles or yourself for full moon rituals or just when you feel like you need the moon's energy.





Tiessennau Mel (Welsh Honey Cakes)

4 oz Honey

1 teaspoon Cinnamon

4 oz Brown sugar

Egg

1/2 LB Flour

1/2 teaspoon Bicarbonate of soda

4 oz Butter or margarine

Caster sugar

A little milk

Sieve together flour, cinnamon and bicarbonate of soda. Cream butter and sugar. Separate the egg yolk from the white. Beat the yolk into sugar and butter, then add the honey, gradually. Stir in the flour with a little milk as required and mix all together lightly.



Whisk the egg white into a stiff froth and fold into mixture. Half fill small patty tins with the mixture; dredge the top of each with caster sugar. Bake in a hot oven (425 degrees)


COMMENTS

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Samhain Recipes

20:45 Mar 17 2008
Times Read: 571


Pumpkin Muffins

1 c Unbleached Flour, Sifted

2 t Baking Powder

1/4 t Salt

1/4 t Ground Cinnamon

1/4 c Vegetable Shortening

2/3 c Sugar

1 ea Large Egg

1/2 c Canned, Mashed Pumpkin

2 T Milk

Sift together flour, baking powder, salt and cinnamon; set aside. Cream together shortening and sugar in mixing bowl until light and fluffy, using electric mixer at medium speed. Beat in egg. Combine pumpkin and milk in small bowl. Add dry ingredients alternately with pumpkin mixture to creamed mixture, stirring well after each addition. Spoon batter into paper-lined 2 1/2-inch muffin-pan cups, filling 2/3rds full.



Bake in 350 degree F. oven 20 minutes or until golden brown. Serve hot with butter and homemade jam





Samhain Oil



1/2 dram Pine Oil

1/4 dram Frankincense oil

1/4 dram Patchouli oil

a/4 dram Lavendar oil

Mix well and bottle.





Uncle Ray's Orange-Carrot Jello Mold

l pkg. (small size) orange jello

2 or 3 medium carrots----finely grated

1/4 tsp. white horseradish

In 1 and 1/4 cups *Hot* water (Boiled)...add horseradish, then mix in the orange jello...stir and add the finely grated carrots...pour into mold and refrigerate til set...serve with creamy dressing...following:



DRESSING:



Mix equal parts of Mayonnaise and heavy cream together and chill. Serve with jello mold.





Pumpkin Marble Cheesecake

Servings: 10



1 1/2 c Gingersnap Crumbs

1/2 c Finely Chopped Pecans

1/3 c Margarine, Melted

16 oz Cream Cheese, Softened

3/4 c Sugar

1 t Vanilla

3 ea Eggs

1 c Canned Pumpkin

3/4 t Cinnamon

1/4 t Ground Nutmeg

Combine crumbs, pecans and margarine; press onto bottom and 1 1/2-inches up sides of 9-inch springform pan. Bake at 350 degrees F., 10 minutes. Combine cream cheese, 1/2 c sugar and vanilla, mixing at medium speed on electric mixer until well blended. Add eggs, one at a time, mixing well after each addition. Reserve 1 c batter, chill. Add remaining sugar, pumpkin and spices to remaining batter; mix well. Alternately layer pumpkin and cream cheese batters over crust. Cut through batters with knife several times for marble effect. Bake at 350 degrees F., 55 minutes. Loosen cake from rim of pan; cool before removing rim of pan. Chill.





Remembrance Cookies

These cookies can be made on Hallow's Eve. They can be shaped like people and the herb rosemary is added to the dough as a symbol of remembrance. Some of the cookies are eaten while telling stories or attributes of special ancestors, reminding us that we still have access to their strengths--or perhaps a predisposition to their weaknesses. The rest of the cookies are left outside by a bonfire as an offering. This can be a solemn ritul, but it need not be.



Ingredients for the cookies:



1 1/2 c. powdered sugar

1 c. butter or margarine (softened)

1 egg

2 t. vanilla

1 t. almond extract

2 1/2 c. all purpose flour

1 t. baking soda

1 t. cream of tartar

1 1/2 T. chopped rosemary

Heat oven 375 degrees. In a large bowl, beat sugar, butter, egg, vanilla, almond extract, and rosemary until creamy. In a separate bowl, sift flour, baking soda, and cream of tartar. Fold flour mixture into sugar mixture. Beat until dough forms and refrigerate for three hours. Divide dough into halves. Roll out one portion to 3/16 of an inch on a floured surface. Cut out with gingerbread women or men cutters and place on an ungreased cookie sheet. Repeat rolling and cutting with second portion. Bake for 5-7 minutes.





Colcannon

(Potatoes, harvested from August to October, were a part of the feast in Ireland where they were made into a Samhain dish known as colcannon. Colcannon is a mashed potato, cabbage, and onion dish still served in Ireland on All Saint's Day. It was an old Irish tradition to hide in it a ring for a bride, a button for a bachelor, an thimble for a spinster, and a coin for wealth, or any other item which local custom decreed in keeping with idea of the New Year as a time for divination.)



4 cups mashed potatoes

2 1/2 cups cabbage, cooked and chopped fine

1/2 cup butter (avoid corn oil margarines as they will not add the needed body and flavor)

1/2 cup evaporated milk or cream

3/4 cup onion, chopped very find and sautéd

1/4 teaspoon salt

1/8 teaspoon white pepper

Sauté onions (traditionalists sauté in lard or grease, but butter is acceptable.). Boil the potatoes and mash them (do not use artificial potato flakes). In a large pan place all of the ingredients except the cabbage and cook over low heat while blending them together. Turn the heat to medium and add the chopped cabbage. The mixture will take on a pale green cast. Keep stirring occasionally until the mixture is warm enough to eat. Lastly drop in a thimble, button, ring, and coin. Stir well and serve.





Howling Jack: Honey Pumpkin Mead



This mead is the color of a ripe peach and smells like autumn leaves - perfect for a Harvest party or Sabbat.



1 sound, hard-rind pumpkin (approx. 2 quart capacity)

Paraffin wax

1 1/2 quarts of water

4 lbs. honey

2 each oranges and lemons

1 pkt. wine yeast

1 tea bag (black tea)



Prepare yeast starter.

Sterilize honey and water by boiling for 10 minutes, skimming the froth as it rises.

Remove from heat; stir in sliced citrus fruits, including skins.

Cool to room temperature; pitch yeast.

Allow to sit over night.

Prepare pumpkin by cutting off the top with a sharp knife. The top must "mate" with the bottom so cut carefully. Clean out the seeds, strings, and membranes of the pumpkin. Rinse out with water.

Pour the must into the pumpking, leaving an inch of air space between the liquid and the rim of the opening. Replace the top.

Prepare the paraffin/water bath: Fill a plastic bucket with hot water, melt the paraffin wax and float it on the water.

Dip the pumpkin, bottom first, into the warm paraffin until it is coated up to its lid. Once the paraffin begins to harden on the pumpkin skin, seal the lid by carefully pouring paraffin over the top, making sure to coat the seam.

Set the pumpkin in the middle of a shallow dishpaaan full of water to keep and thirsty pickle worms at bay and place it in a dark, quiet spot.

Allow to sit for two months, then siphon off and bottle.

Note: It is probably a good idea to rack the mead into a glass fermenter, fitted with an air lock, for evaluation prior to bottling. If the fermentation is not complete and you bottle prematurely, the corks and glass may blow.





Bird's Nest Pudding



The name of this pudding (really more like a pie) comes from the serving appearance--the apples are nestled in a bowl created by the crust.



5 Granny Smith apples, cored and peeled and sliced thinly

1 tsp. cinnamon

1/4 tsp. nutmeg

1 egg

3 Tbsp. brown sugar

1/2 tsp. salt

1/2 cup milk

2 cups flour (I use a half and half mixture of wheat and white flours--all wheat yields a tough crust)

1/2 cup heavy cream

1 Tbsp. baking powder

1 tsp butter

1/2 cup sugar (for topping)

Preheat oven to 400 degrees and grease a deep pie dish (lightly grease the rim of the dish as well). Toss apple slices with cinnamon and nutmeg and arrange in the dish. Blend together the egg, sugar, salt, milk, flour, cream, and baking powder until it begins to form a dough. Do not over mix! Shape the dough into a crust and mold it over the top of the pie dish to cover. Bake at for 25 minutes. To serve, invert the dish over a platter. Dot the apples with butter and sprinkle with the remaining sugar. Serve with heavy cream sprinkled with nutmeg. Just the thing for contemplating a warm fire or a cozy night of music!



Cranberry-Pumpkin Cookies

Makes soft, cakelike cookies.



Ingredients:



1/2 cup butter or margarine, softened

1 cup white sugar

1 teaspoon vanilla extract

1 egg

1 cup pureed cooked pumpkin

2 1/4 cups all-purpose flour

2 teaspoons baking powder

1 teaspoon baking soda

1/2 teaspoon salt

1 cup cranberries

1 teaspoon ground cinnamon

1 tablespoon grated orange peel

1/2 cup chopped nuts

Directions:



Preheat oven to 375 degrees F. Grease cookie sheets.

In a large mixing bowl, cream butter and sugar until light and fluffy. Beat in vanilla, egg and pumpkin.

Sift together the flour, baking powder, baking soda, salt and cinnamon and add to mixture. Mix until until well blended.

Cut the cranberries in half and stir into mixture. Add orange peel and nuts.

Drop by teaspoonfuls onto cookie sheets. Bake for 10 to 12 minutes. Makes 3 dozen cookies.



Popcorn Balls

These are fun to make and fun to give--wrap them in orange tinted cellophane or clear wrap and tie with a ribbon. This makes about 18 three inch balls. Unless you have a really large pot, make these in two batches.



1/2 cup solid margarine

2-10oz packages of large, white marshmallows

orange paste food coloring

Melt margarine in a large pot. Add marshmallows, turning to cover with oil well, and cooking slowly to melt completely. Stir in tiny amounts of food coloring with a toothpick until the color appeals to you. When completely melted, remove from heat. Then:

20 cups popped, fresh plain or colored popcorn (don't use microwave corn)

1 cup candy corn (optional)...stir in popcorn and candy, covering well with melted marshmallow until marshmallow turns to stringy threads. Let sit a few minutes.

extra butter...butter all popcorn ball-maker's hands liberally, and begin to pack mixture into balls. Adults mind that the mixture can still be quite hot, so put aside a pan in which to set balls down if children find them too hot. Let balls thoroughly cool, then wrap them up!



Bread of the Dead

Serve with milk or hot chocolate, and offer some to your departed ancestors, so they may breathe in its essence and be nourished, before you gobble it up yourself!



2 cups flour

2 teaspoons baking powder

2 Tablespoons sugar

1/4 t. salt

1 egg

2/3 cup milk

1/4 cup vegetable oil

10 drops anise extract

Mix all of the above until smooth. Heat the oven to 400 degrees and grease a cookie sheet. With clean hands, mold the dough into a round shape with a knob on the top (which will be a skull) or into smaller round shapes, animals, faces or angels. Place dough on cookie sheet.



1/4 cup brown sugar

1 T. flour

1 t. ground cinnamon

1 T. melted butter

Mix together brown sugar, flour, cinnamon and melted butter for the topping. Sprinkle topping on dough and bake for 20 to 25 minutes. When cool, decorate the skull shaped knobs, animals or faces with icing sugar to make eyes, nose and mouth.





Curried Pumpkin Stew



You will need the following ingredients ;



1 quart (liter) chicken stock

2 cans pumpkin

1 pint (1/2 liter) whipping cream

1 cup sugar

1/2 tsp pumpkin pie spice

1/2 tsp cinnamon

1/2 tsp nutmeg

Bring chicken stock to a boil, reduce to a simmer.



Add pumpkin, stir well .



Add whipping cream and sugar. Bring to a good simmer.



Add spices, serve hot!



Enjoy!





Ichabod Crane's Baked Pumpkin Mousse

2 tablespoons unsalted butter, softened

1 cup superfine sugar

4 eggs, seperated

5 tablespoons yellow cornmeal

1 cup canned pumpkin puree

1 teaspoon cinnamon

1 teaspoon ginger

1/2 teaspoon nutmeg

1 cup heavy cream

Pinch of salt

Preheat the oven to 350 F. Butter a 6-cup ovenproof bowl.

In a large bowl, cream together the butter and 3/4 cups sugar. Beat in the yolks, one at a time. Stir in the cornmeal, pumpkin, and spices, then the cream.

Beat the egg whites until they are foamy. Add the salt. Continue to beat until soft peaks form. Gradually add the remaining 1/4 cup sugar, a teaspoon at a time, and continue beating until the whies are stiff and glossy but not dry. Fold the whites into the pumpkin mixture and pour the mixture into the buttered bowl.

Set the bowl in a larger pan filled with 1 inch of hot water and bake for 1 1/4 to 1 1/2 hours, or until a knife inserted in the center comes out clean. Serve warm from the bowl, or let it settle on a cooling rack for 30 minutes and then invert the mousse onto a plate. Make a jack-o'-lantern face with currants and serve with unsweetened whipped cream. Serves 8.



Soothsayer's Sliced Apples

8 ounces semisweet chocolate, coarsely chopped

1/4 cup pecans, finely ground

6 large, firm apples

1/2 cup sugar

1/2 cup heavy cream

1/2 cup dark corn syrup

2 tablespoons unsalted butter

Pinch of salt

1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract

Place the chocolate in a double boiler over medium heat until it is almost melted. Remove from heat, stir, and let cool.

Spread the nuts in a small bowl.

Dip the apples into the chocolate and shake off excess. Then dip the apples into the nuts to coat the bottom. Set them 3 inches apart on a lightly buttered tray and refrigerate for 45 minutes.

In a small pot, stir together the sugar, cream, corn syrup, butter, and salt. Cover and bring to a boil over medium heat. Cook until the mixture reaches 240, stirring occasionally. Remove pot from heat and add vanilla. Pour the hot caramel over the apples, a little at a time, letting it drip down the sides. Cool the apples but don't refrigerate them.

When ready to serve, slice the apples in half and remove the cores. Cut each half into 4 slices. Makes 48 slices.



Pumpkin Cookies



1/2 cup butter

1 1/2 cup sugar

Cream butter and sugar together, then add egg and blend well.



1 egg

1 cup cooked pumpkin

1 teaspoon vanilla

Blend in pumpkin and vanilla.





2 1/2 cups flour

1 t. baking powder

1 t. baking soda

1 t. nutmeg

1/2 t. salt

1 t. cinnamon

Blend together dry ingredients: flour, powder, soda, salt and spices, and add to pumpkin mixture.





1/2 c. walnuts

1 cup chocolate chips

Stir in nuts and chips, and drop by spoonfuls onto baking sheet.



Bake at 350 degrees for fifteen minutes, cool and eat!





Pumpkin Soup



4 pounds of peeled pumpkin, chopped

2 onions, chopped

2 apples, chopped

2 cups chicken or vegetable stock

1 teaspoon nutmeg or 3 t. curry powder

1 t. salt

2 cups water

Place pumpkin, apples, onion, stock, nutmeg and salt in the water in a heavy saucepan and bring to the boil. Cover and simmer 40 minutes until pumpkin is tender. Puree in a blender or processor.





2 1/2 cups milk

freshly ground pepper

Return to pan and add milk and pepper.





garnish with cilantro if curry is used.


COMMENTS

-



 

Funny

13:36 Mar 16 2008
Times Read: 599


A woman went to her doctor. The doctor, after an

examination, sighed and said, 'I've some bad news. You have cancer, and you'd best put your affairs in order.'

The woman was shocked, but managed to compose

herself and walked into the waiting room where her daughter had been waiting.



'Well daughter, we women celebrate when things are

good, and we celebrate when things don't go so well. In this

case, things aren't well. I have cancer. Let's head to the club and have a martini.'



After 3 or 4 martinis, the two were feeling a little less somber.



There were some laughs and more martinis. They were

eventually approached by some of the woman's old friends, who were curious as to what the two were celebrating.



The woman told her friends they were drinking to her impending end.

'I've been diagnosed with AIDS.'

The friends were aghast and gave the woman their condolences.



After the friends left, the woman's daughter leaned

over and whispered, 'Momma, I thought you said you were dying of cancer, and you just told your friends you were dying of AIDS.'



The woman said, 'I don't want any of those bitches sleeping with your father after I'm gone.'


COMMENTS

-



 

Awesome Halloween Drinks

13:35 Mar 16 2008
Times Read: 580


Halloween drinks





For the kids: (Non-alcoholic)





Eerie Witch's Brew

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Ingredients:

4 cups Cranberry juice cocktail

1 cup chopped & candied Ginger

3 Orange

12 oz frozen Apple juice concentrate

6 oz frozen Limeade concentrate

2 cups seedless Grapes

4 cups Water

1/2 gal Ginger ale

Mixing instructions:

In a 1 to 2 quart pan, bring 1 cup of cranberry juice and candied ginger to a boil over high heat. Boil, uncovered, about 2 minutes, set aside. With a vegetable peeler, pare peel (colored part only) from oranges: cut peel into thin 2 in long worms: or use an Oriental shredder to make long shreds. Add orange peel to cranberry mixture. Cover and chill at least 4 hours or as long as overnight. Juice oranges: put juice in a 6 to 8 quart pan or heavy bowl. Stir in cranberry-ginger mixture, the 3 cups cranberry juice, apple concentrate, limeade, grapes and water. If made ahead, cover and chill up to 2 hours. Add ginger ale and about a 1 pound piece of dry ice (DO NOT put small pieces in punch or cups): ice should smolder at least 30 minutes. Ladle into cups. Add any remaining ice when bubbling ceases.



Creator/contributor's comments:

A SERIOUS CAUTION: never touch dry ice: use tongs to handle.













Warm Witch's Blood

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Ingredients:

4 cups Apple-cranberry juice

2 cups Orange juice

1 tsp whole Cloves

1 stick Cinnamon

3-4 Allspice berries

1-2 tblsp Sugar to taste

Mixing instructions:

Bring to a boil in a saucepan and reduce heat to simmer. Simmer gently for 15 minutes, stirring and muttering appropriate incantations. Serve in ghoulish glasses, garnish with an orange slice if desired.



Creator/contributor's comments:

Make sure it is not tooooo hot when you serve it to the kiddies.

















For the grown-ups: (Alcoholic)











Witch's Brew

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Ingredients:

2 oz Yellow Chartreuse

1 1/2 oz Blue Curacao

1/2 oz Brandy, spiced

1/4 tsp ground Cloves

1 dash Nutmeg

1 dash Allspice

Mixing instructions:

Shake all the ingrediants together and serve in a chilled glass.







Salem Witch

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Ingredients:

1/2 oz Vodka

1/2 oz Raspberry schnapps

1/2 oz Midori melon liqueur

Splash Lime juice

Splash Grenadine

Fill with 2/3 Sour mix

Fill with Soda water

Mixing instructions:

In a collins glass with ice, pour vodka, midori, and raspberry schnapps. Add a splash of lime juice. Fill 2/3 with sour mix and the rest with soda water (or seltzer). Stir gently, and finally top with a splash of grenadine.











Red Witch

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Ingredients:

1 shot Pernod

1 pint Cider

Blackcurrant cordial to taste

Mixing instructions:

Put Pernod in a pint glass. Fill almost to the top with cider and add the blackcurrant. After that, it's up to you.







Vampire

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Ingredients:

1 oz Chambord raspberry liqueur

1 oz Vodka

1 oz Cranberry juice

Mixing instructions:

Combine ingredients in a shaker over ice. Serve as shots in a highball (rocks) glass







Vampire's Kiss

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Ingredients:

2 oz Vodka

1/2 oz dry Gin

1/2 oz Dry Vermouth

1 tblsp Tequila

1 pinch Salt

2 oz Tomato juice

Mixing instructions:

Shake with ice. Strain over ice in an old fashined glass.









Pumpkin Pie (Trafford Style)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------



Ingredients:

1 part Bailey's irish cream

1 part Kahlua

1/2 part Bacardi 151 proof rum

Sprinkle Cinnamon on top

Mixing instructions:

Add bailey's and kahlua together in shaker and shake. Pour into shot glasses and add required amount of bacardi to each and then sprinkle with cinnamon. Light on fire. Slam!



Creator/contributor's comments:

You might want to wait till the fire is extinguished, either by you or natural causes.









Pumpkin pie (tavern style)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------



Ingredients:

2 parts Kahlua

1 part Bailey's irish cream

1 part Goldschlager

Cinnamon

Mixing instructions:

After adding the Goldschlager, set on fire. Sprinkle cinnamon on the flame to "cook" and for dramatic effect. Blow out and serve.









Smashing Pumpkin

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Ingredients:

1/3 oz Kahlua

1/3 oz Bailey's irish cream

1/3 oz Goldschlager

Mixing instructions:

small shaker with ice add ingredients stir strain into shot glass









Great Pumpkin Punch

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------



Ingredients:

1 Pumpkin

1 part Apple cider

2 parts Ginger ale

1 part Rum

Mixing instructions:

Serve in a hollowed out pumpkin with floating pumpkin chunks









Ecto Cooler

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Ingredients:

1 package Lemon-Lime Kool-Aid mix

20 oz Vodka

1 Lemon, sliced

1 Lime, sliced

1 cup Sugar or more for taste

Fill with Water and ice

Mixing instructions:

Mix all ingredients in a large (1/2 gallon) pitcher. Shake and enjoy!











Witch's Clit

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Ingredients:

3/4 gal Lemon-lime soda (Gatorade)

1/4 gal Vodka

Mixing instructions:

Pour out 1/4 gallon gatorade, pour in 1/4 gallon vodka. Cap and shake.



Creator/contributor's comments:

Get's you there quick, doesn't make you sick.







Jersey Devil

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Ingredients:

1 gal Cranberry juice

2 qt Apple cider or apple juice

1 qt Applejack

1 Apple, sliced

Mixing instructions:

Put cranberry juice in punch bowl. Add apple cider/juice and apple juice brandy to taste. Slice apple in 3/16th







Love Potion #9

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Ingredients:

20 oz Cherry Kool-Aid

8 oz Vodka

3 White rum

Mixing instructions:

Pour Kool-aid into jug, add vodka and rum. add 1 pouch of Kool-aid (cherry or orange) cover and shake







Mojo

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Ingredients:

1 qt Light rum

1 qt Dark rum

1 pint Cherry brandy

6 cans light Beer

5 cans 7-Up

4 qt Pineapple juice

2+ bags Ice

Mixing instructions:

Mix all ingredients in large container. Keep stirred.



Creator/contributor's comments:

Failure to stir will cause pineapple to solidify and settle, turning brown in the process (YUCK!) Very potent. Keep moving while drinking. If you sit while drinking, you will fall over when you try to stand.









Beetlejuice

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Ingredients:

1/2 oz Vodka

1/2 oz Melon liqueur

1/2 oz Blue Curacao

1/2 oz Raspberry schnapps

1/2 oz Cranberry juice

Sour mix

Pineapple spear

Cherry

Mixing instructions:

In a tall mixing glass with ice pour the vodka on the bottom. Then fill the glass 3/4 full with sour mix. Pour in the rest of the ingredients one at a time. Garnish with pineapple spear and cherry







Graveyard (light)

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Ingredients:

1 or 1/2 pint Triple sec

1 or 1/2 pint Bacardi 151 proof rum

1 or 1/2 pint Vodka

1 or 1/2 pint Gin

1 or 1/2 pint Tequila

Beer

Stout

Mixing instructions:

Mix the 5 whites in equal amounts in a beer mug. fill up the rest of the space with half beer and half stout.



Creator/contributor's comments:

WARNING: Strong stuff! Do NOT try to drink this if you can't drink very well.









Graveyard

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Ingredients:

1 or 1/2 pint Triple sec

1 or 1/2 pint Bacardi 151 proof rum

1 or 1/2 pint Vodka

1 or 1/2 pint Gin

1 or 1/2 pint Tequila

1 or 1/2 pint Bourbon

1 or 1/2 pint Scotch

Beer

Stout

Mixing instructions:

Mix the 5 whites and 2 whiskies in a beer mug in equal amounts. Top up the rest of the mug with half beer and half stout.



Creator/contributor's comments:

WARNING: Very strong stuff. Do NOT attempt to drink it if you're not a good drinker. You'll be sending yourself to your own graveyard, thus the name of the drink.









The Graveyard

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Ingredients:

1 oz Tabasco sauce

1 oz Tequila

Lemon-lime soda

Mixing instructions:

Pour 1 oz of Tobasco Sauce over ice. Add 1 oz. of Tequila and fill glass with lemon-lime soda. Shake or stir and serve.



Creator/contributor's comments:

I give this drink to everyone on thier 18th birthday when they're already drunk. It's spicy, it burns, and it's swe-eet.









Wolf (Howlin')

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Ingredients:

1/2 oz Absolut Vodka

1/2 oz White Creme de Menthe

1 oz Blue Curacao

Ice cubes

Fill with Sprite

Mixing instructions:

Pour spirits in a glass. Add some ice and fill up with Sprite. Prefered served with a blue cherry.







Spooky Juice

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Ingredients:

1 oz Vodka (Absolut)

2 dashes Blue Curacao

1 dash Grenadine

Fill with Orange juice

Mixing instructions:

Stir together with ice







Booda's Black Brew

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Ingredients:

1 oz Malibu rum

3/4 oz Blue Curacao

3/4 oz Chambord raspberry liqueur

1/2 oz Grenadine

Fill with Cranberry juice

Fill with Ice

Mixing instructions:

Hurricane Glass Fill with Ice 1oz. Malibu Rum or Parrots Bay Coocnut Rum 3/4oz. Blue Curacao 3/4oz. Chambord 1/2oz. Grenadine Fill with Cranberry Top and Shake







Brain Hemmorage

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Ingredients:

1 oz Peach schnapps

1 tsp Bailey's irish cream

1/2 tsp Grenadine

Mixing instructions:

This is a great drink to serve on Halloween. First, pour the peach schnapps. Then, slowly pour the Irish Cream. Do not mix! The Creme will clump together and settle at the bottom of the schnapps. It will have the appearance of an internal organ!! Pour the grenadine over the Creme for a completely disgusting looking, yet thoroughly tasty party drink!







Neon Ghost

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Ingredients:

3 cl Vodka shot, Hot n'sweet (white)

3 cl Pisang Ambon

Mixing instructions:

Shake it with ice, and serve it in a cocktail glass.





Green Goblin

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Ingredients:

1/2 pint hard Cider

1/2 pint Lager

1 shot Blue Curacao

Mixing instructions:

Cider First, Lager then Curacao







Gremlin

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Ingredients:

6 oz Crown Royal

3 oz Rose's sweetened lime juice

2 cups Ice

Mixing instructions:

Into a mason jar filled with cracked ice, pour 6 oz Canadian Whisky and 3 oz Sweetened lime juice. Stir with a fork.









Zombie #1

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Ingredients:

1 oz Light rum

1/2 oz Creme de Almond

1 1/2 oz Sweet and sour

1/2 oz Triple sec

1 1/2 oz Orange juice

1/2 oz 151 proof rum

Mixing instructions:

Shake all ingredients (except 151 proof rum) with ice and strain into a collins glass over ice cubes. Float the 151 proof rum on top, add a cherry (if desired), and serve





Zombie #2

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------



Ingredients:

1 1/4 oz Lemon juice

2 dashes Grenadine

3/4 oz blood Orange juice

3/4 oz Cherry Heering

3/4 oz White rum

2 oz Dark rum

3/4 oz dark 151 proof rum

Mixing instructions:

Shake over ice in a shaker, and strain into a large highball glass over crushed ice.







Zombie #3

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------



Ingredients:

1 1/2 oz Gold rum

3 tsp Lime juice

1 tblsp Jamaican Rum

1 tblsp White rum

1 tblsp Pineapple juice

1 tblsp Papaya juice

1 1/2 tsp Sugar syrup

1 tsp 151 proof rum

1 Pineapple stick

Powdered sugar

Mixing instructions:

Shake all ingedients over ice, except the high-proof rum, the pineapple stick and the sugar. Strain and add ice. Garnish with pineapple and a cherry. Float the high-proof rum at top and sprinkle a litter sugar over it.



Creator/contributor's comments:

A Zombie should be made with rums of various strengths, i.e. 90 and 86 proof. You may use a little apricot brandy in addition to the fruit juice. Other garnish, like mint sprigs can also be used.







Zombie #4

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------



Ingredients:

1 oz Light rum

1/2 oz Creme de Noyaux

1/2 oz Triple sec

1 1/2 oz Sour mix

1 1/2 oz Orange juice

1/2 oz 151 proof rum

Mixing instructions:

Strain ingredients into collins glass filled with ice. Top with 151-proof Rum







Zombie #5

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------



Ingredients:

4 cl Lemon juice

1 dash Grenadine

2 cl Orange juice

2 cl Cherry Heering

2 cl White rum (Bacardi)

6 cl Bacardi Black rum

2 cl 151 proof rum

Mixing instructions:

Mixed in a shaker on ice. Serve in a Tumbler on crushed ice







Acapulco Zombie

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Ingredients:

1 shot Vodka

1 shot Tequila

1 shot Rum

1 dash White Creme de Menthe

Orange juice

Grapefruit juice

Mixing instructions:

Pour the alcohol in first, then finish off the glass with the two juices. Also, remember, just a little Creme de Menthe, not too much!









Canadian Zombie

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Ingredients:

3 cl White rum

3 cl Dark rum

2 cl 151 proof rum

1 cl Green Curacao

1 cl Grenadine

Orange juice

Lemon juice

Mixing instructions:

Fill Collins glass halfway up with ice. Add white and dark rum. Fill up with half orange- half lemonjuice. Pour grenadine and curacao along rim of glass. Top with 151 proof rum.







Jamaican Zombie

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------



Ingredients:

2 1/2 oz Light rum

1 oz Dark rum (Myers)

1 oz Apricot brandy

1 oz fresh Lime juice

1 oz Pineapple juice

2 oz Orange juice

1 oz Passion fruit juice

1 or 2 tsp Powdered sugar to taste

Mixing instructions:

Mix all ingredients in a shaker filled with ice. Strain into a frosted zombie glass filled with fresh ice. Garnish with an orange slice and cherry.



Creator/contributor's comments:

The first few sips are potent, just relax and enjoy!







Devil's Advocate

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Ingredients:

1 shot Bacardi Limon

1 shot Triple sec

3/4 oz Sour mix

1 tblsp Grenadine

4 oz Cranberry juice

Mixing instructions:

In a shaker mix all ingredients. Pour over ice.







Black Devil

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Ingredients:

1/2 oz Dry Vermouth

2 oz Light rum

1 black Olive

Mixing instructions:

Stir rum and vermouth with cracked ice and strain into a cocktail glass. Top with the black olive and serve







Green Devil

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Ingredients:

1 1/2 oz Gin

1 1/2 oz Green Creme de Menthe

1 tblsp Lime juice

Mint leaves

Mixing instructions:

Shake gin, creme de menthe, and lime juice with ice and strain into an old-fashioned glass over ice cubes. Decorate with mint leaves and serve.







Little Black Devil

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Ingredients:

1 1/2 oz White Creme de Menthe

1 1/2 oz Dark rum

Mixing instructions:

Pour into shot glass. Serve.







Red Devil

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------



Ingredients:

1 1/2 oz Vodka

1 1/2 oz Peach schnapps

1 1/2 oz Southern Comfort

1 1/2 oz Sloe gin

2 oz Triple sec

2 oz Orange juice

1 splash Grenadine

Mixing instructions:

First add ice, then mix in the alcohols, then the juice and grenadine. Shake when all ingredients are mixed. Serve in a 10-12 oz. glass.









Purple Devil

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------



Ingredients:

1 part Triple sec

1 part Cointreau

1 part Amaretto

Fill with Cranberry juice

1 splash 7-Up

Mixing instructions:

Shake alcohol with ice. Strain and pour over ice in a tall glass. Add cranberry juice to fill most of the way. Add a splash of 7-up if you want it fizzy!



Creator/contributor's comments:

This also works great as a punch. Tastes just like juice!







Mandeville

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Ingredients:

1 oz Light rum

1 oz Dark rum

1 tsp Anisette

1/2 oz Lemon juice

1/2 tsp Grenadine

1 oz Coca-Cola

Mixing instructions:

In a shaker half-filled with ice cubes, combine the light rum, dark rum, anisette, lemon juice, and grenadine. Shake well. Strain into an old-fashioned glass almost filled with ice cubes. Top with the cola. Stir well.







Hot Devilish Daiquiri

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------



Ingredients:

1 1/2 cup hot Water

1/4 cup Sugar

2 sticks Cinnamon

8 whole Cloves

6 oz frozen Lemonade concentrate

6 oz frozen Limeade concentrate

1/2 cup Light rum

Mixing instructions:

In 2 qt. microproof casserole, combine hot water, sugar, spices, and concentrated juices. Stir, then cook on HI 5-6 minutes or until mixture boils. Heat rum in microproof container on HI for 30 seconds. Ignite and pour over hot beverage. Ladle into punch cups for serving.









Doucet devil

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------



Ingredients:

1/2 oz Amaretto

1/4 oz Southern Comfort

1/4 oz Creme de Banane

Mixing instructions:

Put amaretto first, then the southern comfort and top this with the creme de banane.







Blue Devil Cocktail

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Ingredients:

1 oz Gin

Juice of 1/2 Lemon

1 tblsp Maraschino liqueur

1/2 tsp Blue Curacao

Mixing instructions:

Shake all ingredients with ice, strain into a cocktail glass, and serve.







Devil's Piss

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Ingredients:

1 1/2 shot Everclear

Lemonade

Mixing instructions:

Using a large glass of water, add lemonade concentrate to taste (Best if you make it a little stronger than usual). Add the 1.5 shots of Everclear and be sure to mix well!







Devil's Cocktail

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Ingredients:

1 1/2 oz Dry Vermouth

1 1/2 oz Port

1/2 tsp Lemon juice

Mixing instructions:

Stir all ingredients with ice, strain into a cocktail glass, and serve.







Demon Drop

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Ingredients:

1/2 oz Everclear

1/2 oz Orange juice

Mixing instructions:

Add the Everclear first and then the OJ so the OJ settles on the top. Then shoot it. Repeat.









Green Demon

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Ingredients:

1 oz Vodka

1 oz Rum

1 oz Midori melon liqueur

Lemonade

1 Cherry

Mixing instructions:

Shake vodka, rum, and liqueur and pour over ice in a highball glass. Fill with lemonade, add the cherry on top, and serve.









Orange Demon

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Ingredients:

1/2 glass Orange juice

2 oz Everclear

2 oz Cointreau

Mixing instructions:

Pour the OJ first, then mix in the Everclear and the Cointreau.









The Pernod Demon

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Ingredients:

1 1/2 oz Pernod

1 Lemon Wedge

6 dashes Tabasco sauce

Sugar

Mixing instructions:

1) Coat the lemon wedge with sugar 2) Douse the lemon wedge with the 6 dashes of tobasco 3) Fill the shot glass with pernod To administer this shot, suck the lemon and then shoot the pernod.



COMMENTS

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The Complete Idiot’s Guide To Surviving Horror Movies

17:07 Mar 15 2008
Times Read: 610


1. If the house you're living in tells you to "GO AWAY", do so immediately.



2. Never take a bath or shower with a maniac/spirit/demon/creature in the house.



3. When it appears that you have killed the maniac/spirit/demon/creature, DO NOT check to see if he/she/it is really dead. Keep hacking at it until it is in pieces small enough not to be a threat to you. If you've shot at it, shoot it again in the head, and remember, shoot till it stops moving, and then keep shooting till you're out of ammo. Then reload and shoot it some more. Then set it on fire and burn it up, this works with everything except demons and spirits. Then get the hell out of there!



4. If plumbing fixtures or other structures in your home begin shaking and spewing body fluids, it's time to leave.



5. Never read aloud from a book that summons demons. Even as a joke.



6. Don't look under the bed.



7. Do not search the basement, especially if the power has just gone out.



8. If trees, TVs, or other objects try to consume your children, save as many as you can and then get the hell out of the area.



9. If relatives or pets come back from the dead, don't approach them and ask "What did you come back to do?"



10. If inanimate objects such as dolls, toys, or furniture attack you, be prudent, leave the area.



11. If you've hidden from the maniac/spirit/demon/creature and you are not found, do not peek from or decide it's safe to leave your hiding place. If you do decide to leave, scan the ground for twigs before you take a step.



12. Never believe that your companion has truly become "dispossessed."



13. It is very, very dangerous to back into, or through rooms.



14. If your children speak to you in Latin or any other language which they do not know, or if they speak to you using a voice which is other than their own, shoot them immediately. It will save you a lot of grief in the long run. (Note: It will probably take several rounds of gunfire to incapacitate them, so be prepared.)



16. When you have the benefit of numbers, never, ever, pair off, or go in alone. The more people the maniac/spirit/demon/creature is distracted by, the better your chance of escape.



17. Never get into a car without first checking the back seat for occupants.



18. If demons begin possessing your companions, it's a good idea to leave the area as soon, and as quickly, as possible.



19. If your companions start turning up dead, make yourself scarce before someone else does it for you. Worry about funerals later.



20. If you've just finished running over the maniac/spirit/demon/creature in your car, keep going. Most certainly do not get out of the car under any circumstances to see if he/she/it is really dead.



21. As a general rule, don't try to solve puzzles that open portals to Hell.



22. Don't fall asleep if you have a history of homicidal/suicidal nightmares.



23. Never stand in, on, above, below, beside, or near a grave, tomb, crypt, mausoleum, etc.



24. Never stand in, on, above, below, beside or near a window, especially those that appear that they would break easily.



25. If you find something that appears to be alive that you cannot identify, don't pick it up or touch it, with anything.



26. If you're searching for something which caused a noise and find out that it's just the cat, leave the room immediately or else you will quickly die.



27. If someone is in the water and starts screaming and is pulled under, Don't go after them or peek over the edge of the shore "to see what's wrong." If you are in a boat, head for shore.



28. If appliances start operating by themselves, you are in danger.



29. Do not accept/take anything from the dead.



30. If priests won't or can't enter your home, start looking for a new home.



31. If you discover the place you are visiting is known for its history of mass murders, deaths, freak accidents, or supernatural occurrences, leave.



32. If you wake up from a particularly horrific dream and find yourself still alive, you probably aren't awake yet.



33. If you find a town which looks deserted, it is probably deserted for a damn good reason. Take the hint and stay away.



34. Don't play with ouija boards. If you do and the ouija board starts moving by itself, stop playing and leave.



35. If supernatural beings start calling your name, leave the area immediately.



36. Never pick up a hitchhiker or stop to aid a suspicious person, especially if he/she/it resembles Santa Claus or Satan.



37. Don't fool with recombinant DNA technology unless you're really sure you know what you are doing.



38. Make sure that your weapon is really loaded before you try to use it.



39. If your space ship gets a alien distress signal from what appears to be a dead planet, don't stop to check it out.



40. Never put your back to or lean on a door.



41. Never take the dare to spend a night in a haunted house.



42. Never speak to Clowns in sewers.



43. Never accept gifts from strangers, especially if you suspect that they are really supernatural beings.



44. If you're running from the maniac/spirit/demon/creature, expect to trip and/or fall down at least twice, more if you are female. Do not turn to look back, if you do, you stand a good chance of tripping immediately and being killed. If you turn and look back, and you don't see the maniac/spirit/demon/creature chasing you, stop and run immediately back the way you came because the maniac/spirit/demon/creature is now in front of you.



45. If your companions exhibit uncharacteristic behavior such as hissing, biting, thirst for blood, howling, glowing eyes, unnatural hairiness, marked resemblance to demons, excretion of ectoplasm or other forms of gelatinous goo, flaming appendages, extra appendages, etc., get as far away from them as possible.



46. Listen closely to the soundtrack for hints on what is going on around you. Use all resources available, especially the audience, for on the average, they are much, much more intelligent than you could ever hope to be.



47. Stay away from certain geographical locations, some of which are listed here: Amityville, Elm Street, Crystal Lake, Transylvania, Nilbog (Gods help you if you recognize that one), Mydian, Questa Verde, the Bermuda Triangle, or any small town in Maine.



48. Beware of transvestite doctors that sing.



49. Avoid secluded mountain resorts, especially those which keep 'Redrum' in stock.



50. Beware of strangers bearing tools of destruction such as chainsaws, staple guns, chipper/shredders, weed poppers, combines, lawnmowers, knives, flamethrowers, band saws, crossbows, napalm, grenades, high-powered rifles, gophers wielding axes, laser pistols, or Alludium Q-36 explosive space modulators.





51. If you're going to shoot something, in the immortal words of Robert Ruark, african game hunter, "Use Enough Gun!"



52. If entering your craft you put your hand in a kind of sticky/slimy/resinous kind of substance that was not there before, turn and run immediately.



53. If you are in the Arctic and find an alien frozen in ice, don't touch it, don't thaw it out, leave it alone. The alien should be incinerated with thermite (or preferably a thermonuclear weapon), otherwise if it thaws out, it will kill you and every living thing on earth.



54. If you are alone in a house and something calls your name, leave the house immediately through whatever exit is in the opposite direction. If there is no exit, make one.





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